Darwin has a reputation as a tough frontier town. The idea of a tough
town fascinated me though. Tough towns never are that tough and people in
general aren't really all that bad. Certainly not as bad as you'd think
after watching TV for three hours a day.
I wanted to exaggerate the idea of
a tough town though and the tough scary people which outsiders assume are
in them and so I wrote a comedy piece on my way to Darwin for my upcoming
gigs there. You can read it on the writing page of this website.
I also tried to write a smutty version of Austen Tayshus' Australiana
inspired my travels around this great land. It can also be found on the writing page of this site.
I arrived in Darwin. I had a Friday night residency booked here for four
weeks in a row at Squires Nightclub which used to be a strip joint. I was
sacked after the second week.
The wife of the owner thought my show was too
rude. Two much swearing and she didn't like how in my talent quest some guy
got his nuts out and two Danish backpacker girls kissed each other. What's
the world coming too when these things aren?t appreciated in a pub in
Darwin?! I thought this was meant to be a tough town! Banned again.
It still freaks me out how people can be upset with a bit of human flesh.
It's just tits and cocks, for fucks sake! How out of touch are we with nature
and ourselves when human reproductive organs are seen as offensive! So
what!
When starving Africans found out about the uproar that happened in
America because Janet Jackson exposed a breast on TV they must have all just
shook their heads. And these guys have got the bomb!? The world really is
fucked! Below is the article that occurred in the newspaper regarding my
sacking.
Northern Territory News - 04/10/05
A comedian who is touring the NT has been labelled "too rude". Sydneysider
Jimbo had his month-long stint at Squires Tavern in Darwin cut short for
being too rude. Co-owner of Squires Julia English, said she did not like
the
show.
"It was offensive and in bad taste and not for the demographic we would
like
to attract to this club," she said.
Jimbo did two shows at the pub. The first one attracted 20 people, but
the
second one 100 people. The "Big Night Out" show consisted of Jimbo telling
jokes, responding to hecklers and encouraging nudity.
"It's an interactive show where I get people up on the stage to just let
their hair down and have a good time," Jimbo said. He said it was
disappointing the show was cancelled as he was getting a good audience
response.
"I love what I do," he said. "I packed the club out, then was told I was
too
rude. Everyonne asks, 'when is your next show?'. When I tell them I've been
banned, they can't believe it".
But he did agree the show is not for everyone. It is rough and rude,"
he
said. "(And) it does have lots of swearing and nudity. It's a comedy show,
so, to me, if you think it's too rude, you can just walk out. I just want
to
go around and make people laugh."
While in NT, Jimbo also performed at Howard Springs Tavern, Nhulunbuy's
Walkabout Tavern, Jabiru Golf Club and the Katherine Hotel. He said all
these shows had great feedback.
Jimbo has been performing his two-hour show for about five years. He said
this is not the first time his show has been banned. He has also been banned
from the Sydney Comedy Store and Parramatta's Albion Hotel.
It didn?t worry me too much. I just get used to it. Besides, at least
I
was starting to get some publicity! I'm now staying in the YMCA writing up
this book. I'm enjoying having a room to myself and not having to talk,
listen or root someone in return for accommodation.
I've been on the road
right around Australia for 18months now and have had the most awesome time.
I don't know if it is possible to have any more fun. Which is why I think
I'm a bit burnt out. I really feel I've pushed myself on all levels.
I need to regather now and have some time to myself just to see where
I?m at. Read, write, eat well, swim and rest until I either can't pay the
rent, feel recharged or think of a bright idea that will keep me going. I
know! Maybe
I should write a book about my travels around Australia and try and sell
it!
I went down to the park for a walk. A bunch of four Aborigine guys sitting
in a circle, called me over. The old guy in the group introduced me to his
three nephews. He then started talking about Jesus. He then talked about
terrorism. "You gotta be careful", he said. "You can't trust those Muslims.
Underneath all their clothes, they're hiding bombs".
He then started on Asians. "They're taking over the place, they're everywhere.
"My God?", I thought. "I've just met an Aboriginal redneck. One of his nephews
then asked me if I could drive him to a friend?s place where he
wanted to pick up some dope.I got up, thanked them for the chat and continued
my walk.
I decided to bunk down and write my journal for a few weeks. A blue collar
workers pub, The Winnellie Hotel had given me a residency every Friday which
would get me by for food and rent if I laid low in between.
I was determined to lay low too. The last thing I wanted was to meet
someone interesting whom I'd have to write about.
And then I met Will who was living next door to me at the YMCA.
Will, 38 used to be a passionate surfer. He now spent most of his days
drinking and enjoying every sunset. He had terminal kidney and liver
disease. I love sharks, I'll swim with them all day, no worries but I hate
gold fish. This is the shit I want to hear I thought. I was finding more
and more that the only conversations I now enjoyed were with people which
society deemed as either dangerous, derelict or deranged. They were the
ones who seemed to me, to be the wisdom keepers.
Will sat outside his room on our common balcony sipping beers most of
the
day. He said he was thinking of easing back this week and drinking less to
give himself a little break. "I won't stop drinking altogether though", he
said, "because Abstinence only makes the heart grow fonder".
Over the course of two weeks yarning to each other each day, Will shared
with me his background, philosophies and who he was. He left home at 12
after his alcoholic Dad somehow missed him with a shot gun from point blank
range in a drunken rage. He finished school at his grandparents house.
In between all the cone-pulling and rooting he did throughout school he
somehow managed to score enough marks to get into studying Medicine. I found
this extraordinary. I knew a lot of people who?d studied medicine but no
one
with a background handicap like his.
At the first Medicine student gathering he said he listened to a speech
where the Dean of the University was telling all the medicine students how
they were the "cr?me de la creme".
He said during the speech he looked around at the students around him,
with their beaming faces and could only see one other face thinking the same
as him. He went up to him after the talk and said, "You're not buying this
either are you?"
Will and his new mate left University the next year,
disillusioned by medicines elitist doctrines and bored by an education
'based on rote learning and strict Cartesian thinking'. Since then he said
he drifted around Australia picking up a heroin habit and subsequently
kicking it three times, amongst other things.
'I'm not a junkie though and
never have been' he said. He used the analogy with alcohol. 'Just because
you drink doesn't mean you're an alcoholic'. Methadone has left Will with
only a few teeth butts remaining. He hinted at his colourful past 'not
wanting to incriminate himself'.
The jobs he mentioned he'd done included
worked for bookies, as a full-time pool hussler, and a gofer for drug gangs
disposing of dead bodies down mine shafts ('I never dropped a live person
down one though', he assured me).
He said he's had his last rites read five
times before waking up from several health induced comas. He'd then gone to
study as a Jesuit priest four years ago before knocked back due to his
terminal liver and kidney illness.
He said a heavy conscience from his past
stops him from sleeping properly. He said the beers he takes now are just
his 'aspirin', compared to what he used to take. The more I got to know Will
the more I trusted him and got to love his candour and intelligence which
was all founded on his enquiring mind backed up with a vast array of human
experiences, which were inked into his aura just like the colourful tattoos
up his arm.
He said 'don't worry about me stealing your stuff, behind your
back. I'm not like that. If I take anything off you, you'll know about it
because I'll have a gun to your forehead. There will be nothing sneaky
about it'. I felt strangely relieved.
He said he has a lot of trouble putting people at ease because of the way he
looks. He says in particular women. He says some get instantly scared of
him upon seeing him. He says he find this hard. He says he loves woman and
after seeing his Mum bashed so many times as a kid he will always protect
woman and flog any guy who doesn't do the same.
I've never been short of
getting chicks though', he said. 'I'm just choosing to be celibate now.
I've been that way for 12 years now. Besides I think it's a bit unfair to
drag a girl into a relationship with a guy who is terminal', he said with
his eyes downcast for a split second.
I gave him a lift to one my gigs at The Winnellie Hotel, knowing he didn't
get out much apart from down to the park for sunset. The main reason though
was that I knew he'd be interesting company for myself. He wasn't into
small talk or safe conversation topics. He gave my brain a good work out.
He talked shit but it was good shit.
At the gig, I came on stage after an hour of strippers to 200 workers in
their blue singlets. None had had been home to have a shower yet. I gave
it to them hard, knowing I was trying to top an act where dildo's were being
inserted into a couple of vaginas plus knowing the crowd had all done a hard
week's work and wanted a laugh.
After my act, the woman who ran the
strippers bailed me up backstage telling me she thought my comedy was
'sexist and demeaning to woman'. I had no reply or energy to counteract
her. And there was no point. Like my mate Paul from Coolgardie said,
'Don't argue with an idiot, they'll beat you with experience'.
It was still a hard situation for me. I wanted to say, 'how can you say my
act is sexist and demeaning to women? Don't you pay girls to stick dildos
up their cunts!?' I didn't say it though for the reason that I didn't
actually believe that a woman doing a strip act was demeaning to women.
Although I don't really get as much titilation as most guys out of watching
strippers, I've always seen stripping as a highly skilled art. Perhaps
because I know what it's like from the performers point of view. Getting up
on stage and stripping down in front of a room full of the opposite sex to
me takes guts experience, skill and personality - in order to hold the
crowd's attention, not just a body.
The way a stripper can get up and
control and tame a whole crowd of guys, to me is impressive. I've got much
more respect for a girl who sticks a dildo up her cunt in front of people
and is straight up about it, than a prude hypocrite who walks around all day
with a carrot up their arse, preaching about something that they've got no
experience with - but I digress.
So in the end, I just decided to cop the stripper manager's verbal tirade
and turn the other cheek while rationalising it was just a smokescreen for
her being intimidated that the pub had booked another act in between her
girls or some petty red herring like that. Then again maybe to her my act
was sexist. I just wished she'd explained why.
I'm always up for a decent
conversation where opposing viewpoints are put up for argumentative reason
in the hope that some mutual idea can be distilled in the process without
resorting to threats. She wasn't. Her bodyguards body language confirmed
that to me as well. 'Careful what you say, mate', he added, 'she's my Mum'.
She then repeated her viewpoint to me one more time, while her son stood
behind me with folded arms. One of her stripper girls then walked past me
and said, 'don't worry I enjoyed it' before slipping backstage. That was
enough for me. I moved on and packed up my gear.
It still annoyed me though and it was good to have someone to talk about it
on the drive back, instead of internally trying to dissipate it, like I
normally do after a gig where something similar happens. Will sympathised
with me on the drive back.
I said to him 'I can't write comedy that good,
so I didn't argue with her. I just wished she'd come up and said this on
stage during my act, not after to me in private. It would have given me the
perfect excuse to change the direction of the show or at least add to it,
while still getting a laugh. E.g get her to smack me on the bottom while
saying 'you're a naughty boy Jimbo'.
That way I could have kept happy the
people who did think my act was sexist or offensive while also keeping the
boys amused. Heckling me after a show, is to me gutless. I'd much prefer
someone to heckle me in front of the jury. I.e the crowd. Anyway, Will
and I both agreed again that, reality was far stranger than fiction.
He
asked me how I wind down after a gig. I said, 'I now just try and disappear
from the bar and go for a walk, be by myself but it takes a while sometimes
especially after a big gig. The adrenaline is still pumping'.
I asked him
what it was like after doing an armed robbery. I didn't know if he had done
one and I didn't care. I just knew he'd have an interesting insight into
it, given the past he'd alluded to me.
Our relationship had a natural
buffer zone to it too which allowed us both to source each others varied
experiences in order to discuss ideas. He didn't tell me any unecessary
details I didn't need to know and he knew that if he did, there was no
judgement from my end and vise versa. Our relationship was based on
creative philosophical exchange not restrictive moral judgement and I was
loving it.
He said, coming down from an armed robbery was the same as after
a gig. There was a huge rush from doing it with all the adrenaline running
through you and 'you had to go somewhere after and try and calm down'.
He
said the worse armed robbers were the ones who take speed before the job
just to get pumped up because after the job, they're then copping a double
hit from the excitement of the job as well. He said these guys then usually
then go out and get busted by the cops for something else like being a
public nuisance which leads on to them then being busted for the hold-up,
when the cops put one and one together.
He said the most popular way to
wind down was through heaps of drugs, mainly alcohol, dope and heroin. I
told him about a story from a pub I knew in Kings Cross, where I used to
gig. Four arm robbers (or AR's as I was now calling them - I was picking
up the lingo!) had run away with $10,000 from the till and missed the police
arriving by one minute.
I said how it hardly seemed worth it. Ten years
jail, for a couple of thousand bucks. Will said, 'Jimbo, AR is like comedy. You do it for the rush, not the money'. I pissed myself at the lateral
symmetry our sober conversation about arm robbery and comedy was somehow
revealing.
In short I was enjoying Will's company immensely. 'We all get
our kicks somewhere', I thought and I was again glad that in the wash up
comedy was my chosen drug of choice in life. My main weapon for dealing
with the world. Ironically it seemed a lot easier than most jobs to me.
All I copped for my thrills was verbal abuse every now and then, not a jail
sentence. I was pretty lucky really.
Back at the YMCA we had a few beers on the balcony together, while watching
the incoming lightening display. We bonded on many levels. Being a single
male in our late 30's was one. We both related to how relationships with
people totally change, especially a lot of our coupled up mates, for one.
We both agreed how disappointing it was to see some of them no longer
trusting or relating to us on the same level as when you were both single
especially when it came to discussing woman. We both agreed that generally
with married men if you talk about any girl with them whom you're not at
least thinking of getting engaged too, they generally view her as either a a
slut and not worth knowing beyond explicit sexual details.
I told Will
about my recent readings on anisogamy. I read him out a recent passage
outlining the physiological reasons for the change in attitude towards
single males which other males go through once mated up.
As male efforts to establish pair bonds increased, females are forced to
reduce promiscuous mating in exchange for male protection from harassment
from other males. Viewed in this light, human pair bonds, and therefore
human marriage, can be considered a means by which cooperating males agree
about mating rights, respect (at least in principle) one another's
'possession' of particular females, protect their mates and their mate's
children from aggression by other men, and gain rights to coerce their own
females with reduced interference from other men.
It goes on to say the reason why single women are viewed as dangerous or
'sluts' by attached men. Women are portrayed in this way so men can blame
women for male sexual exploits and can so direct attention away from the
real source of danger - the underlying sexual competition between most men
that continually threatens male solidarity.
Female sexuality is much more rigidly controlled because high status men
(those who presumable contribute the most to the creation and maintenance of
cultural ideology) effectively protect their women from sexual access by
other men. So the notion of women as dangerous and polluting is not
eliminated altogether; rather it is now shifted to the low status women who
are vulnerable to sexual exploitation by higher status men - thus the
ideology of the virgin and the whore.
From a male point of view, the virgin
is one's own wife, or daughter, or sister, whereas the whore is the lower
status woman whose sexual availability enables high status men to enjoy the
benefits of promiscuity without incurring the costs. By depicting these
women as whores, high status men can attribute their sexual exploits to the
women's voracious sexuality, drawing attention away from the coercive
tactics they employ to gain access to these women.
I told Will about a party I'd been to a few years ago with coupled up mates,
whom I hadn't seen since their wild single days. One guy had asked me if I
was going out with anyone to which I'd replied 'no'. He then said to me
after a long pause, 'Don't worry you'll find someone'. He then introduced
me to his new fiancée.
Only single mates seem to relate to me on how funny
this is. To me this was like going up to a mate I hadn't seen for a while
and asking if he was married. And then on hearing 'yes', replying with.
'Don't worry, you can always divorce her. Have you thought about killing
her?' Personal assumptions about what we think is appropriate behaviour
and thoughts are so easily able to be projected on others. It's a comedy
goldfield.
I spoke to Will about how I only really look at women for sexual, spiritual
and intellectual interaction. And how the desire to have women as a
possession or to protect them from other males doesn't come into my equation
much with me. It doesn't make sense to me.
I've got about as much desire
to 'own a girl' as I have to own a mortgage. To me if a girl, I'm rooting
wants to fuck another guy, as long as she's safe and not doing it to get my
attention (instead of his), no worries. It's none of my business. And I
expect the same attitude from her.
Maybe this more emotional attachment
will happen if I breed, I added. In which case I'll either be jealous of
other guys getting her attention or bored shitless from her nagging - which
seems to me the way most married men seem to view their partner, once the
love buzz and thrill of monogamy has worn off.
'And if you DON'T ever get married' Will added, 'Most people who are married
with kids will continually bore the shit out of you with detailed stories of
their mortgage, great new mobile phone deal, new job promotion, renovation
plans, the kid's first words, their one week holiday plans, petty gossip and
new car that they've bought'.
I pissed myself. He continued 'plus they
won't ask you any questions about your life because they'll assume being
single is just a transitory stage to eventually taking on their lifestyle
and therefore not worth discussing. All they'll want to know is the sexual
details about the 'dirty sluts' you've been rooting'.
All I could do was smile and nod knowingly.
'No wonder we get on so well' I said.
Which bought Will and I onto our next bonding point. That is the feeling of
being a single heterosexual male in his late thirties with no children.
Most conversations with family and friends at our age start centring around
their relationships with their partner and children. In particular the
children.
It's very easy in our position to be a dumping ground for the
emotional frustrations and joys which inevitably come with this territory
but when we come back with some advice, the same stinging retort usually
comes back, 'I.e what would you know about relationships and children? Keep
your thoughts to yourself'.
Will and I both found this hard. The result
was lots of interaction with those 'close to us', based on either listening
to repetitive small talk about other people's lives or interesting arguments
cut short by threats and silence each time we tried to comment back or talk
about the things that interested us.
When it comes to a good conversation
about the things we wanted to talk about i.e sex, religion, politics and a
general exchange of ideas instead of an exchange of information on events
and people (gossip), most people in relationships especially with children,
no longer seemed to have enough room in their mental harddrive to even
contribute on the matter, save for some re-hashed soundbytes on what Ray
Martin told them that evening. I.e it was becoming fuckin boring to talk to
them!
We both joked about how maybe the only way to counteract it was to
breed and create your own fucked up tribe. Maybe that's another reason
people did it. At least that way, you're top of the pile for a while and
get people to listen to you for a change. After all isn't that the deal
with children, 'I feed and shelter you and you listen to me and do
everything I say!'.
We both realised that from an evolution point of view we were both in
'social no man's land' by being childless and relationshipless at this age
in our life which bought us on to our primary bonding point: A common sense
of aghast at the hypocracies happening on a macro level in the world and
something even more frightening: The way most people were swallowing the
bullshit fed to us in the media about what's really going on.
Without partners or kids, Will and I both found we regarded our family more
as being 'humanity'. And without owning our own backyards we instead looked
at the whole world as our backyard. And without owning a home we thought we
had many homes. I.e the many places along the road where people made us
feel welcome. The Darwin YMCA for one.
This affected in turn our whole
view and social discourse. We didn't want to talk all the time about
someone's neighbour habits or Angelie Jolie's latest fuck (unless it was
us!).
We wanted to talk about the human family. Will and I both felt that
until we conformed, family and friends would increasingly treat us more with
fear and mistrust than interest and the more we continued to not conform the
more we realised that random lone strangers whom we meet along our journeys
were becoming more our real family. The people we rang on Christmas day.
The world we saw was therefore seen through a different lense and the view
we had of the world was extremely interesting yet heading in a scary
direction. The reason: Most people were more concerned with jay walkers,
dole bludgers, drug users and armed robbers than genocide, military
invasions and environmental destruction by the leaders of our own tribes.
Humans seem to defer to power more than reason. And while every injustice
is potentially fucked up. (Even a jay-walker can cause a serious accident)
it seemed the 'fucked up ness' at the top was so much more of an issue
proportionally to anything else yet ironically the one area where there were
the least consequences to the perpetrators.
Shows like Today Tonight and A
current Affair and the 6pm news were the perfect examples why. Stories on
how to lose weight, profiles on 'scary' people beyond the picket fence and
how to improve your finances, were all they seemed to run. 'Kill one person and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a hero'.
Why can't they discuss this quote on A Current Affair?
From an anthrological point of view there had to be a reason why though.
It seems all every act of alturism and ruthlessness needed was a good spin
doctor in order to magnify one and diminish the other despite them being
totally out of proportion in effect. E.g George Bush orders bombs to be
dropped but also reads books to kindergarten students, so it's evened out.
And the easiest way to personal security is to copy the majority in their
attitudes, sympathies and casting of 'blind eyes' while punishing or
ignoring those who don't. i.e don't question the matrix. Not thinking
about things too much ironically seemed to come down to our strongest
instinct: survival. What hope has humanity when most people tend to admire the successful
exploiter and despise the virtuously exploited.
Our conversation came down again to the ultimate ethical dilemma first
documented by Plato and Socrates and never yet resolved. I.e despite all
philosophic reasoning most social attitudes in humans seem mainly to come
down to a pursuit of ruthless self-interest, to the effect that conventional
values of justice - to behave fairly and co-operatively, keep one's word,
consider others' interests etc - were possibly just a racket, which were
encouraged by people who were intelligent and powerful and thus did not need
to live by these values themselves. Accountability at the top seemed to be non-existant. Will and I couldn't
stand it.
Will and I both agreed the litmus test for where a westerner's head was at
was their attitude to Saddam Hussein. If they said, 'He was an evil tyrant and deserved to treated the way he was
by the US', we both knew they'd been brain-washed.
I.e brain-washed into seeing the same deeds through a totally different
morality, depending on what newspaper you read.
Saddam can't invade a neighbouring country but the U.S can. The U.S kill
innocent bystanders with chemical and nuclear weapons, detain people without
trial but other countries can't (even when the U.S sells the weapons to them
and trains them as in the case of Saddam.)
It seemed that doing something
wrong but getting away with it held more esteem in most people's eyes than
someone who had been treated unjustly and ended up a loser. And this was
why on a macro level the world to Will and I was so full of brutal and
heineous hypocracies that it made the shit that most people squabble over
and talk about to us seem like a total waste of time. And vise versa to
them.
What frightened Will and I most about the world was a common feeling. That
being that an emphasis on family values and 'fear of people out there who
can hurt you' is forcing more and more people into their boxes at home and
in turn people are handing over more and more powers to governments while
trusting them that the new laws to stop terrorists won't be abused.
When in
fact what is really happening is that people are not mixing much these days
while governments are taking away more and more freedoms from us. Cops can
now shoot and ask questions later yet be internally investigated because
their family car has bald tyres!
It's pretty hard to talk about these
things at most family orientated social functions these days though. Will
went on, 'most people when you talk about this stuff will just pat you on
the back and say, 'how cute, you're still into conspiracy theories. Haven't
you grown up yet!?'. I vented to Will in return, 'it makes me so sad. The human race is like a
bunch of lemmings running off a cliff'.
Will said, 'Don't worry about George Bush, Howard and Blair. They're just
puppets. Kill one and another ten will pop up. It's the system not them.
They're there to take the rap. When the heat gets too big, they're just
replaced and a new guy put in place to peddle the same line.' Will said,
it's called 'Capitalism' for a reason'. The idea is for as much capital to
be held as possible by as few people as possible'. I asked him when he
reckoned the next revolution will happen.
He sighed, 'it will happen but
unfortunately it doesn't look like happening in our lifetime'. He said,
'Capitalism is just something that suits humans now just like feudalism used
to. When the next revolution happens though it will be relatively peaceful,
smooth and instant like all great revolutions such as The storming of the
Bastille or more recently the overthrow of Marcos.
Huge numbers of people
will just start walking on the streets and the army and police will not be
giving resistance. They'll just be peeling off their uniforms and joining
in with the mob because they'll identify with the injustice that the mob
feel more than the money which they get from doing their job'. Either that
or they'll be hiding like dogs with the people who used to be in power.
It
was a common thing I'd heard from a lot of people who were predicting that
the revolution won't happen for a while. 'I want the next revolution to
happen in my lifetime', I thought to myself. The current system of forced
monotony, monogamy and mortgages just ain't my bag. I don't think deep
down, it's many other people's either. Then again maybe I'm just
projecting.
Will read me some of his poetry which he'd written:
"I'm a target so easy to find.
I'm an anachronism waiting for my time.
I'm an assassin who strikes from behind.
I'm a shadow cast by the sublime"
'Most of my written stuff you don't want to read though. It's too dark.
I've got too many demons', he said.
The next day we sat on the balcony together freaked out at how rare it was
to meet someone with who we both jammed so hard with on all the big ideas
and themes running through our head. The amazing thing too being that we'd both arrived at the same conclusions
through totally different life paths. He gave me confidence. Travelling
solo is great but intersecting with someone every now and shazaming is what
it's all about too.
Will made a crack about the weather to lighten things up. 'You know what I
hate about Darwin - It's just too hot to wear a balaclava!'. He then went
on. 'You know what fucked things up for Armed Robbers?'
'No' I said.
'Fucking credit cards. There was never much cash lying around in shops
after that'.
I laughed hard. He then sucked back on a beer.
'You know after you go, I might do a 'job. I'm thinking about hiring a
Santa suit and walking down the street handing out lollies and then doing a
number on a shop, doing the bolt and leaving the santa suit in a back alley.
I reckon it'd work'.
I didn't know what to say. All I knew was that I didn't want Will to get
caught and locked away. I'd miss not being able to call him or instead
having to go through a jail switchboard. He was right up there will the
best people I'd ever met in my life. And I mean best as in interesting,
honest, intelligent and original.
'Look Will, I don't want to be down south and read about you in the paper'.
I went on imitating myself reading a paper, 'Ohh no, he didn't! plus he got
caught in a Wonder Woman's outfit instead of a Santa outfit!'
I said to him, 'You know when you hold a gun to someone's face, what you're
really doing is just trying to shoot your Dad'. I knew he knew.
I didn't go on. We've all got our past. Catharsis works in strange ways.
Perhaps holding a gun to someone else's head was the only way the memory of
the immense helplessness he felt that night when he was a kid (and no doubt
branded into his psyche forever) can be evenly remotely counterbalanced.
'The worst is when you come up against someone trying to be a hero when I
put the gun to their head', he said.
'When I hold a gun to someone's head, they should never try and be a hero,
because I will pull the trigger'
'Just like his Dad', I thought. It made me think. Perhaps I unwittingly
played out my demons in my own way too. All those innocent people in my
crowds, every night I play to. I've got them trapped listening to my shit. Each one hoping I won't pick on them. Some of them even getting
incredibly offended and walking out. Just like my Dad sometimes, when I
speak my mind and go on a rave.
We all side-swipe people along our life
journey. Some people just need to travel harder and faster to get from
where they were to where they are now, in order to survive. Just to make
life worth living. My Dad certainly never took a gun and shot it at me when
I was 12 years old. The only thing I'm running from is boredom.
Will and I had both come from such different backgrounds and had somehow
landed next to each other at the Darwin YMCA just at a point in life where
we both needed a soul buddy to unravel with.
We talked chicks. He told me his whole rooting history. Not only the
sexual detail but the relationship detail which a lot of coupled up mates
ironically just don't' really give a fuck about. He'd certainly started out
a lot younger and harder than I ever did.
We both talked about how chicks
are very different to guys. The two things they seemed to love the most
(especially as girls got older) was someone who was in a position to provide
and someone who was 'nice' and showed acts of altruism.
I told Mark about a
great book, I'd just read recently on human instinct. It said how human
children need to be looked after for an incredibly long time compared to
other animals. This had instilled the necessity in women to be naturally
attracted to a guy with material means and a strong caring streak.
Altruism
was therefore a result of sexual selection pressures not natural selection
pressures, which had in turn lead to evolutionary pressures to have a bigger
brain to cope and take advantage of the complex social politics involved in
getting a root. Whatever most of us do, it is usually fundamentally related
to sex: grooming, status, money, your job..
As Will said, 'If you're a bloke with money, there's often not a lot of
difference between your wife and a prostitute. Just ask any bloke who
regularly goes on business trips'.
The book said there was therefore great pressures in man on the one hand to
be ruthless in his pursuit of material comforts as well as great pressure to
be gentle, caring and altruistic to his own kind. It seemed to me to sum up
why the world was way it was.
We're all looking after our own. Even
altruism was ultimately a selfish act as it generated status and sexual
attraction. Much in the same way that girls are more attracted to a fireman
over an accountant (unless he was loaded). Alturism and compassion was
therefore an extra weapon to ruthlessness in our every day behaviour.
Argumentative reasoning was just another weapon to be used for getting your
own way. When that didn't work, roll out the threats. The dirty trump
cards.
We alternate between both ruthlessness and alturism regularly in order to
maximise the best outcome. The intricacy and complexities in making these
social decisions every day had been the main drive in increasing our brain
size from other primates. Again, natural selection being driven by sexual
selection.
Women's brains had increased in turn, in order to decipher which
guys were full of shit and which ones gave the best trade-off value between
material providership and being an arsehole/SNAG. With woman now becoming
materially liberated, the whole mix was now becoming even more complicated.
The big point I got from the book was that because natural selection's main
impetus was competition with other humans rather than other species, there
is no major over-riding instinct in humans to look after the survival of the
species as a whole. Maybe that's why Will and I were more concerned with
worldwide politics than relationship gossip and comparing asset sheets.
Because we didn't have many intensive co-dependant relationships (if any)
our brains were mainly just bored and therefore naturally gravitated towards
viewing humanity (as a whole) as our family. There was no altruism involved
in our thinking just shock at how fucked up the world is, when you look at
the whole picture.
If humans have the ability to make that jump in
conscious as a whole and view every one as family, then we'll maybe have a
long future. Humanity is yearning for sexual, philosophical, spiritual
freedom and tolerance for all, in the hope that the answers we need will be
found.
Instead we have a world based on emotional/material co-dependance
which forbids the above. Freedom is just another word for 'weapons of mass
deception'. I still think that'd make a great t-shirt! Which in turn would
provide me with a bit more emotional/material independence!
Maybe that's
the role of people like Will and I in the human race who don't breed or have
co-dependant relationships. We're long shot philosophers for the potential
good of all while also being short odd bums who contribute nothing more than
verbal shit to cover up our own hypocracies and demons!
We both agreed
though that at the moment humanity seemed to be treating the planet and it's
resources like a 'huge planetary closing down sale'. Get what you can
before it's all gone! And we both agreed how easy it is to be open-mined
when you've got nothing to lose (like us) and how easy it is to be bigoted
when you think that you and the ones you love are being threatened.
We then got back to women and both marvelled at how when you're 'socially on
fire' and getting a lot of attention from females, more follow. It's like
women in their pursuit of alpha males just follow what other females are
doing, if for nothing else just to save time mucking around looking.
'Whereas when two A-grade catches like us are sitting on the bones of our
arse on a balcony outside the Darwin YMCA, there's no women in sight!'
We looked at each other and laughed. Between us we were wearing half a pair
of thongs.
'Yep since I went celibate twelve years ago, my head has been a lot clearer. I gave up sex mainly because women were totally doing my head in', Will
said. 'Celibacy is also a good way to sort out what type of a chick they
are' he said. 'If a girls treats me like I'm a sleazy prick when I talk to
her in a bar or something, I know now immediately that they're absolutely
not worth talking to wheras before my cock would override me.
I don't have
sexual thoughts any more. I've let that side of me go'
'Wheras if a girl thinks I'm a sleazy prick' I said, 'Generally I think well
at least this girl has got a brain!'
We chinked our beer again and laughed. I then read Will something I'd just read off the net.
According to Ron Suskind, who with the help of former Bush cabinet official
-- and long-time Republican loyalist -- Paul O'Neill, chronicled the
delusional nature of Dubya's White House in their latest book, 'The politics
of lying'.
In it a top Bush aide had said "that guys like me were 'in what
we call the reality-based community,' which he defined as people who
'believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible
reality.' I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and
empiricism. He cut me off.
'That's not the way the world really works
anymore,' he continued. 'We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our
own reality. And while you're studying that reality - judiciously, as you
will - we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study
too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors ... and
you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.'"
Will nodded and asked me if I'd read Catch-22. I said I hadn't. He said,
it was his favourite book and is all about the quote I'd just read. Dark
comedy at it's best. I made a note to myself to get it next.
When I left Darwin the next week, Will and I embraced and told each other
how much we loved each other. And we did. I'd met so many great guys
travelling around Australia whom I knew I'd be mates for life with no matter
how frequently or infrequently we caught up.
In fact I don't think I've
made as many friends in the last 18mths as I have in the last ten years. It
was like Kindergarten all over again! I was rich in many ways. I had added
new people to my life whom, I trusted and loved.
Scotty from Airlie Beach,
Scotty from The Grawin, Paul from Coolgardie, Gibbo from Molong, Woody from
Corrigin, Pluto from Katanning, Terry from Wyndham plus many others - and
now my new muse, Will in Darwin. Not to mention a few chicks as well.
Chicks were different though due to the sexual dynamics, especially when
they hooked up with someone else, down the track. The last thing they want
is me calling them up half way through a meal with the guy they're trying to
get to inseminate them. I always love hearing when an ex-shag finds a guy
that they're making a go with and happy with. To me it's akin to finding
that one of your puppies has found a good home.
I'd refuelled at the pitstop, Darwin, marking the end of my 18mth lap
zig-zagging around the mainland of Australia. The itch to move was getting
stronger. I knew I had to move on. I wasn't too sure where though.
I
drove off down the Stuart Hwy not sure where I was going to end up but
trusting the gods, (just like when I set off from Sydney) that wherever I
went my petty troubles were nothing compared to my sense of freedom.
Freedom from bills, debts, false social courtesies, social gatherings I
didn't want to be at, work I didn't feel passionate about and people and
systems that told me how I should think and feel. Fuck that.
One thing I did acknowledge though in my buoyed spirit from being on the
move again was that I was psychically tired. Doing gigs, hunting gigs,
entertaining people, listening to people, living on the road while trying to
stay healthy was wearing me down.
What was wearing me down too was writing
a blog continually. I'd fucked, gigged and partied my way round mainland
Australia and my idea of a good time now was to sit down read a book, be by
myself and drink water (which probably wouldn't make for a good blog!)
Then
again maybe I was over it. Or maybe I need a rest or a big lifestyle
direction change. One thing was for sure though, I needed another income
stream.
Maybe it would be writing, maybe it would be my next DVD, maybe I'd
get some publicity soon and be able to do big well paid gigs and not sweat
everytime I paid for accommodation. Or maybe picking up gigs on my next lap
would become easier now I'd done the first lap.
And who knows maybe I might settle down somewhere, get a 'normal job' and
have kids!
Yeah, right!
I snapped myself out of it. There was only one thing I needed. And that
was a root.
I patted my dashboard and thanked my car for my safe travels while
acknowledging my good luck feathers sticking out of the air-con vent. The
words from my favourite hywayman song rang out from my car stereo. I turned
the volume up full bore and then sang maniacally along with the chorus.
"The road goes on forever and the party never ends"
Thanks to all of you who read my blog, bought my DVD and merch, went to my
gigs, put feedback on my guestbook and forum.
Most of all though, thanks to each and everyone I met on my way around
Australia. The hospitality and friendliness I've met everywhere I've been
has been truly amazing. And to each and every one of you, you are really
what this whole experience travelling aimlessly is about.
Thank you also to
friends from home (wherever that now is!) who kept in touch with me. And a
big thank you also to Epod without whom this website wouldn't be possible.
Anyway, I'm signing off my blog for a bit. I'm still truckin' on though, so
keep in touch (especially if you're a publisher interested in printing this
as a book - after tidying up the grammar and spelling mistakes!) and as they
say in the circus, hopefully I'll, 'See you down the road'.
XXX Jimbo.
October 31st, 2005.
The list of pubs around Australia who let me perform April 2004 - October
2005:
The Albion Hotel, Parramatta NSW
The Bull n Bush, Baulkam Hills NSW
The Manly Boatshed, Manly NSW
Oxley Hotel, Bourke NSW
Coolabah Hotel, Coolabah NSW
Nyngan Bowling Club, Nyngan NSW
Nevertire Hotel, Nevertire NSW
Pastoral Hotel, Dubbo NSW
Narromine RSL, Narromine NSW
Molong RSL, Molong NSW
Park Hotel, Bathurst NSW
Commercial Hotel, Lithgow NSW
Mitchell Inn, Geurie NSW
Pub in the scrub, Grawin NSW
Courthouse Hotel, Tamworth NSW
The Kurrajong Hotel, Erskineville NSW
New Tattersall Hotel, Glen Innes NSW
Wilcannia Golf Club, Wilcannia NSW
Tollgate Hotel, Parramatta NSW
Coogee Hotel, Coogee Bay NSW
Caledonian Hotel, Singleton NSW
Royal Hotel, Denman NSW
Tourist Hotel, Sandy Hollow, Sandy Hollow NSW
Port of Bourke Hotel, Bourke NSW
Dunedoo Hotel, Dunedoo NSW
Gooloogong Hotel, Gooloogong NSW
Cambridge Hotel, Parkes NSW
Vandenberg Hotel, Parkes NSW
Koorawatha Hotel, Koorawatha NSW
Australian Hotel, Young NSW
Town House Hotel, Cowra NSW
Wombat Hotel, Wombat NSW
Royal Hotel, Tumut NSW
Musician's Club, Broken Hill NSW
Globe Hotel, Cootamundra NSW
Horse and Jockey Hotel, Tarcutta NSW
Cobar RSL, Cobar NSW
Roxby Downs Club, Roxby Downs SA
Opal Inn, Coober Pedy, SA
Yulara Resident's club, Ayers Rock NT
Todd Tavern, Alice Springs NT
Tennant Creek Hotel, Tennant Creek NT
Rorke's Drift, Darwin NT
Jabiru Golf Club, Jabiru NT
Crossways Hotel, Katherine NT
Squires Tavern, Darwin NT
Howard Springs Tavern, Howard Springs NT
Walkabout Tavern, Nhulunbuy NT
ARC club, Groote Eylandt, NT
Winnellie Hotel, Darwin NT
Cecil Hotel, Zeehan TAS
Great Western Hotel, Hughenden QLD
Magnum's niteclub, Airlie Beach QLD
Black Nugget Hotel, Moranbah QLD
Leo Hotel, Clermont QLD
Dysart Hotel, Dysart QLD
Calen Hotel, Calen QLD
Central Hotel, Collinsville QLD
Bakers Creek Hotel, Bakers Creek QLD
Whitsunday Hotel, Mackay QLD
Bay Central Hotel, Pialba QLD
Apple Tree Creek Hotel, Apple Tree Creek QLD
Universal Hotel, Warwick QLD
Criterion Hotel, Rockhampton, QLD
Werribee Hotel, Werribee VIC
Sandbar, Mildura VIC
Seanchai Hotel, Warrnambool VIC
Corrigin Hotel, Corrigin WA
Albion Shamrock Hotel, Boulder WA
Denver City Hotel, Coolgardie WA
Hordern Hotel, Narrogin WA
Kellerberrin Hotel, Kellerberrin WA
Judd's Hotel, Kalgoorlie WA
Beverley Hotel, Beverley WA
Rocke Inn, Karragullen WA
Club Hotel, Southern Cross WA
Castle Hotel, York WA
Commercial Hotel, Merredin WA
Williams Hotel, Williams WA
Hyde Park Hotel - The Comedy Lounge, Perth WA
Gosnells Hotel, Gosnells WA
Kondinin Hotel, Kondinin WA
Bruce Rock Hotel, Bruce Rock WA
Settlers Tavern, Margaret River WA
Dunsborough Hotel, Dunsborough WA
Northcliffe Hotel, Northcliffe WA
Nannup Hotel, Nannup WA
Palace Hotel, Wagin WA
Mt Barker Hotel, Mt Barker WA
Cranbrook Hotel, Cranbrook WA
Walpole Hotel, Walpole WA
Katanning Hotel, Katanning WA
The Esperance Hotel, Esperance WA
Brass Monkey Hotel, Perth WA
Narembeen Club, Narembeen WA
Kulin Hotel, Kulin WA
Wickepin Hotel, Wickepin WA
Palace Hotel, Ravensthorpe WA
Port Hotel, Hopetoun WA
Norseman Club, Norseman WA
Broomehill Hotel, Broomehill WA
Albie's Hotel, Busselton WA
Dongara Hotel, Dongara WA
Seabird Tavern, Seabird WA
Club Hotel Mullewa WA
Coral Bay Resort, Coral Bay WA
Beadon Bay Hotel, Onslow WA
Royal Mail Hotel, Meekatharra WA
The Lodge, Fitzroy Crossing WA
Iron Ore Bar, Cockatoo Island WA
Karratha Tavern, Karratha WA
Red Sands Hotel, Newman WA
Paraburdoo Inn, Paraburdoo WA
Kimberley Tavern, Halls Creek WA
Town Hall Hotel, Wyndham WA
